Independent woman?

I'm often taken aback when people ask if I can drive immediately after seeing me exit my vehicle by myself. I suppose I find it so odd because it's normal to me. I would never consider asking an able-bodied person exiting a vehicle the same question. They would most likely assume I had a screw loose or that I certainly must be joking. That being said, allow me to pose a question.

What is normal?

Myself and a few of my disabled friends were taught early on that we weren't "normal." I was fortunate enough to be mainstreamed into "regular" classes with "regular" children. Despite being in advanced and honors classes throughout middle and high school, I was under the label of Exceptional Student Education (ESE). To this day, I find myself using certain terms in regards to able-bodied persons. It's hard not to when you've been conditioned to do so.

So many times, I tell those I've met that my disability doesn't define who I am as a person. Often times, I believe myself.  Then there are times that I get frustrated with myself and even with my disability. The fact that I have to depend on others for such basic needs as putting on my shoes and leg braces and getting in and out of the shower is something I struggle with on a daily basis.

How is it I can get dressed, cook, drive and many other things on my own, but am not able to do those two things? It's very difficult to accept the fact that I may never be 100% independent. On the flip side, I'm only as independent as I am thanks to my mother. She literally shut doors in my face, just to make sure I could open them when I was by myself. For that, I'm thankful. Her favorite thing to say to me was, "What would you do if I wasn't here?" My first reaction was that I wouldn't be trying to do whatever it was that was giving me a hard time.

I now know that was not the correct attitude to have. I had to earn the independence that I do have and have to appreciate it daily. There won't always be an automatic door or someone to open a door for me, or someone to pick something up that's fallen. These minor obstacles are part of my day to day life along with a slew of others. However, I chose to focus on the positive.

I've been told that I make everything I do look so easy, so effortless. That couldn't be farther from the truth. As I've stated in a previous blog post, I have to think about everything I do, every motion I make. If I want to stand up, I have to count to three, then stand up. In essence, I have to prepare my brain for the next action my body's going to perform. While that can be challenging at times, it's almost second nature to me now.

Speaking of challenges, I encourage you to take five minutes after reading this and pick a daily task you always do. When you open that car door, stir the food you're cooking for dinner, or whatever the case may be, think about every action you do. How do you hold your keys? The spoon?

Now imagine doing that all day, every day. That is my day-to-day life as a dis-handi-capable person.