My journey encounters a few stumbling blocks...

We all hit stumbling blocks at some point in our lives, whether it be at school, home, or work. They can be big ones or ones just big enough to be annoying. I've come across and overcome so many in my lifetime that I took them for granted. How does one take those for granted? Well, you just assume that whenever one does weasel its way into your life, you'll handle it. At least that was my philosophy until two months ago.

As I've previously mentioned, I'm currently attending physical therapy twice a week. The outlook in April was a very bright one. My walking was improving and nothing could stop me. On May 14th, I walked with crutches for the first time in my life. Before my therapist dropped me at the age of 10, the doctor's goal was for me to be able to transition from a walker to crutches. Twenty-five years later, that goal had finally been met.

While I was terrified, I was also excited and dare I say, in awe. When I started physical therapy in late January, I never imagined I'd be walking, let alone on crutches. Things were going well for about three weeks then one of those sneaky stumbling blocks firmly planted itself in my way. I noticed one weekend that I was unable to bear any weight on my feet and the most I could do was shuffle my feet. Pain relievers and Bengay weren't really helping the pain.

My therapist and I were equally confused as to what was causing the pain. After consulting a few other therapists, it was concluded that the way I use/walk on the crutches stretches my calf muscles. Due to the fact that I wear AFOs (braces on my legs), those muscles haven't really been used throughout my life. That, coupled with pushing myself a little too hard, was the culprit. Now that we knew what was causing the pain, the only thing left to do was place heat and Biofreeze on my calves and wait.

After what felt like an eternity (2 weeks to be exact), I was able to go back to the crutches. It was as though I had been walking all along, which I'm so thankful for.

Over the course of the two weeks, I was continually getting frustrated and annoyed with myself. I didn't understand why my "stupid" legs didn't want to cooperate. I wanted nothing more than to get up and walk and it wasn't happening. I couldn't even take two steps without my calves killing me. There were moments where I felt like all that hard work was for nothing. Then I realized something.

I'm not, nor have I ever been, a quitter.

Persistence has always been the key to my success and this time was no different. It's been roughly a month and a half that I've been walking with crutches again. So far, so good.

The next pebble I need to get out of my shoe is my fear and self doubt.

My journey (past, present, future) - Originally posted on my personal Facebook

After talking to my physical therapist today, I realized something. It's something I want to share, but would be a tad too long for an update. That's why I'm writing this note.

Most of you know that I have Cerebral Palsy. It occurs when there is lack of oxygen to the brain, usually at the time of birth. It affects the side of the brain that controls muscles, fine motor skills and speech. The left side of my body is affected.

At 3 1/2, I had 8 procedures done at once. That included releasing my hamstrings and surgery on my left hand. From 2nd to 4th grade, I walked with a walker. The summer before 5th grade, I had more surgery. The doctor made arches in my feet and performed a procedure that was supposed to correct my walk. The idea was for me to graduate from a walker to crutches, cane and then eventually walk on my own. I was in casts for 7 weeks.

Then my life changed forever.

I started 5th grade in a wheelchair since I was just 3 weeks removed from having my casts taken off. I returned to therapy (which was provided in South Florida schools). The therapist asked me to get on the exercise mat. I told her my feet were still sore. She said she'd help me. She was pregnant, eating and gave me her elbow. 

I stood up, she moved, I lost my balance, fell and broke both of my legs. That was exactly 2 months after my operation. I never got proper rehab therapy and was terrified of therapists.

I worked very hard in PE my senior year in high school so I could walk for graduation. It was one of my proudest moments.

I did walk some in college, but then my mother became ill. The more she depended on me, the more I depended on my wheelchair.

Fast forward to now. 25 years later, after months of hard work, I am just now getting back to where I was physically at 10 years old.

It's been a long journey and it's not even close to being done. My therapist told me Tuesday that he definitely thinks I'll be able to walk with crutches in the future.

I plan on proving him right.

Excuse me?

For as long as I can remember, people have asked me about my disability. "Did you have a stroke?" they asked. "No, I have Cerebral Palsy," I would reply. To that I would get a simple "Oh." There are many misconceptions about my disability. The first is that it is a disease. Cerebral Palsy is not a disease, it is a birth defect. In many cases, such as my own, it happens at the time of birth and it is caused by lack of oxygen to the brain. The severity of this disability depends on how long the child was without oxygen.

I have a friend who has no speech impediment while another has one so severe that only those of us that grew up with her understand her. Me? I fall somewhere in the middle. While I hardly give my disability a second thought, there are certain times that it makes me very insecure. I was in speech therapy from the time I was three years old until I was 16 years old. At that point, the therapist told my mother they were sorry and it wasn't going to get any better than that. I was at an age where it was not going to change, despite the fact it had improved considerably.

In school, confidence was never an issue when it came to giving presentations. I was always the one who wanted to go first or be the group leader. It wasn't until after college when I was looking for a job that I received a rude awakening. There was an opening for an executive assistant at an office. I met all the requirements, so I sent in my resumé. The gentleman who I suppose was going to be my supervisor had I been hired called me one morning for a preliminary phone interview. From the moment he heard my voice, he sounded incredulous, dare I say angry. His words still resonate with me to this very day. "You talk like that...you have a speech problem and you want to be my assistant?" Before I could formulate a response, he hung up on me.

That had to be illegal, right? Discrimination, to say the least. Wrong. According to the EEOC,  Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, if a business/business owner feels you will not present their business to the public in a positive light, they do not have to hire you. I believe this only applies to private business owners, though.

I've had jobs since then where the employer did not want me to answer the phone. Personal customer contact was fine, just no answering any phone calls. Nine months later, I was the office manager and answering 90% of the calls received. What changed? It was a necessity. We were too busy for me not to answer, so he conceded.

Most of the time, I don't give my speech a second thought. That is until I meet someone new and I watch them silently mouth what I'm saying so that they can process it. I've received rude looks, snarky comments, and been laughed at just because I don't sound the way people think I should. My personal favorite is I sound retarded. I suppose that's why I take so much offense to that word being used by people. "Oh, that's retarded." Maybe it's you who is after all retarded for using that as an insult.

My life as a disabled person has been filled with struggles. Often times, people tell me they're sorry because I'm in a wheelchair. Why? I'm not. I'm proud of who I am, disability and all. I am a self-employed, very active young woman.

How many able bodied people can say the same?

Until next time, this is my life as a dis-handi-capable person.